Frustrated !

 

Why is it when You have something so profound to say….

You just can’t get it out!

Why is it when you  feel the music…..

your actual dance is not near as smooth as you feel it! ( or see yourself doing it)

Why is it when you go to hit the high note…

it comes out just a little flat and forced.

Why is it sometimes the way you think something should be isn’t and there isn’t a darn thing you can do about it!

Feeling just a little frustrated!

Why is it you know you shouldn’t be frustrated but you just can’t shake it!

I guess that’s why you blog about it even though you can’t quite get it out the way you want to.

Well just in case you thought I was perfect you now know I’m not! :)

Thanks for listening!

Say Cheese!

 

I was cleaning out my office cupboards the other day when I came upon some forgotten pictures.

Some pics that I still would like to forget!!!

One was of me in a swimsuit in a Kayak at the lakes, 2001ish.

I not sure who took it…. I am guessing my sis.

Usually I ran ( okay vehemently objected to having my picture taken ) I always said that pictures added 100 pounds to you. HA

This also explains why I have so few of pictures of myself.

But obviously when one is precariously perched in a kayak you are sort of trapped.

So what do you do?

You pose and try to look thinner.

This never really works for me.

Well anyways as I look at this pic it brought back lots of memories of that day.

1. me trying to get in that Kayak

2. me trying to balance that Kayak ( not an easy feat when you weigh in over 300lbs) Talk about tipsy

3. me knowing I had just been had  by having a pic taken of me in……you got it……. my swimsuit.

4. me enjoying some semblance of normalcy as I paddled along trying to ignore my arms and legs cramping up, trying to situate the paddle, trying not to tip over because I knew that there was no way I would ever be able to get back in myself.

5. Me actually getting out of the Kayak. I really am not sure how I did get out! I think it was a roll over!

Okay back to the pic!

I can look at it now and shockingly it really doesn’t bug me. It used to bug me but I am Okay with it now.

I look at in fascination… I look at it in fond remembrance…

She looks happy, She was Happy, She was really fat but she was me and I was happy!

Sometimes I worry that I wasted some of my life by being so fat. But when I look at this pic and I remember, truly remember it isn’t just all the effort normal things like a Kayak ride took.

I remember the fun I had too.

I remember the good times too and I am amazed at what I would try even being 300 plus pounds.

And that makes me smile!

I refuse to be ashamed or embarrassed I was me even then that hasn’t changed!

I am really not sure what the point of this post is.

It is just a post with lots of ramblings of the thoughts that are going through my head just now.

I am going to keep this pic ( unlike the many that got ripped up as soon as I saw them years ago )

It is good to remember and for some reason I have a hankering for a kayak ride just now!

I bet I would enjoy it more this time!

I bet I would still object to having my pic taken.

I bet my Sis would still take it.

I bet I would pose and try to look thin.

I bet I would still look happy!

I bet in 10 years from now I would still look at it in fond fascination!

Oh and here is me in the Kayak….

Slightly cropped…

You didn’t really think I would post full body pic of me in a swimsuit did you…

But besides from having no neck, a bad hair day, and HUGE sunglasses, I was happy!

But trying to look thin just wasn’t happening!

Procrastination!

 

I am a huge procrastinator! Pretty much all around.

I could list tons of examples but if you have been following my blog as of late you probably figured it out. :)

Although I will give you one… Last night I went through a huge basket of “extra socks” The place socks go when I can’t find a match within a couple week time span.

Lets just say some of the loners were to small to fit even me. Tyler my “baby” wears a mens size 12 now. That should give you an idea how long those socks have been there. Although in my defense he is growing fast these days.

As far as my blog procrastination goes I have a few reasons “excuses” too…

1. Been real busy subbing

2. Scale is not moving downward so not a thrill to talk about.

3. Been real busy subbing

4. Started facebook! ( I would love to be your friend )

5. I am lazy, I would rather read blogs than write

6. Not feeling very interesting lately

7. No new recipes or tips to share

8. Not walking outside but I did start Leslie Sansone again.

9. Been really really busy subbing

 

Okay enough I know. But today I checked my comments and my loyal faithful commenter Lisa  was there.

Besides her having some HUGE accomplishments of her own to share she also gave me a few tips and a great new recipe that I can’t wait to try. I am seriously thinking of having her become a guest blogger because that girl is on fire!

Reminds me of someone I used to know! Who knows Maybe I will become reacquainted with her (Okay it’s me) sometime soon!

My best piece of advice for today Is if your jeans are feeling a little tight wear them anyhow, It will be a constant reminder why you don't want to cheat on your diet. (Under no circumstances do you pull out your bigger size) You lay on that bed and zip them up with vigor! (besides they will stretch out in a hour or so anyways) So I’ve heard! :)

That’s all for today!

Suz

Street Fair Week

 

Street Fair is here!

I am probably not going to win the biggest fan of street fair week award. Plus I think it will go to someone in the Claire Yergler family anyways.

It always clogs up Bluffton, I think it is a money pit and although the food is delicious it is not diet friendly.

Now don’t get me wrong they do have veggies, sadly they are battered and deep fried!

It is fun to walk through the streets and see people you haven’t seen in awhile.

I used to love street fair as a kid, couldn’t wait for it to come to town. It was like Disney World right here in Indiana.

I had 2 bad experiences at Street Fair both during my middle school years. My wallet was stolen, I think I set it down while playing a game and possibly the carnival worker picked it up? I guess I will never know for sure…

And I threw up in the Spider ride during the spinning. Not a pretty sight and to this day my stomach does a flip flop just passing by it.

Isn’t it funny how perspectives change?

Anyways last night I headed up there for that once a year experience.

Of course I wanted to try everything, But I did limit myself to 2 pineapple dolewhips. ( they are supposed to be fat free) A bite of Tim’s Wall-eye sandwich and some of Tyler’s Cotton Candy.

My second dolewhip was really from a new vendor this year close to the industrial tent and I think it was a lemon lime twist actually. ( I still call it a dolewhip because it was still fat Free and very delicious. )  On taking the first bite it fell out of the cone and onto my chest but never fear I caught it and shoved it right back on my cone. So I was a little sticky the rest of the evening. I think this was Tim’s favorite part of the evening.

I also took Michaels advice here and lost $2.50 on #23 playing the mouse game. Okay so maybe I didn’t yell go Minnie go but I did say it in my mind silently every time.

If you are heading to the street fair and don’t want to blow your diet completely I would suggest eating a taco potato, go light on the cheese and sour cream, and ask for 1/2 the meat and more lettuce, onions and tomatoes, The Pineapple whips, ( I may have to go back up for just 1 more of these) and I think the zum sticks probably wouldn’t be to bad.

The Street Fair maybe isn’t my favorite thing anymore but somehow I always manage to get there at least once! :)

Suz

Light Bulb Moments

 

Thanks Lisa for all the questions!

Now I have material for at least another 5 or 6 posts!

I just had a light bulb moment tonight…

that is when something just dawns on me and usually amazes me.

It is probably really obvious to others but I must be thickheaded so it seems like such a revelation to me.

Tonight was nothing huge but it has happened to me a couple of times in the last few weeks...

All of the sudden I realize that I am satisfied, I am not hungry, I am not too full, I am just simply satisfied.

I realize that Hey, I can go to bed without that last snack, I don’t need, I really don’t want it.

I mean it usually saddens me when I realize I am almost out of points and can’t have another thing to eat.Usually this just makes me want to eat something.

But then I have these moments when I realize I don’t need to eat and it is really Okay!

This simply amazes me and for a moment I feel “normal” like this is probably how skinny people feel all the time.

But it is still new and foreign to me but I definitely welcome it! :)

I guess another light bulb moment was when I was sitting at a teachers desk in school and had a class and all of the sudden I felt a few chest pains.

I remember thinking (praying) Please Lord don’t let me die here at school. My kids will be so traumatized!

It probably was just heartburn as I am still here, but it did make me think.

But no that wasn’t what finally did it for me.

It was when I knew Tiff was following me down the overweight road and she was ready to change.

What kind of mother would I be if I wasn’t willing to give it a try too. I had nothing to lose!

Nothing but a whole bunch of weight at least!!!!

Then there was the light bulb moment that I was really losing and maybe just maybe I could really do this!

Next there was the light bulb moment that I wasn’t on a diet anymore and this was a new way of life.

I could never eat a whole pizza by myself again.

( I mean it’s not that I couldn’t I just can’t)

I can never allow myself to ignore my weight even when its going in the wrong direction I still have to face the scale and deal with it even though my personality just would like to pretend everything is fine.

Those are probably the light bulb moments I would rather ignore because sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair!

What light bulb moments have you had?

Suz

*Please Note* My friend Julie came through her surgery with flying colors! Please keep her in your prayers as she has some long weeks of recovery and healing ahead.

It’s a new week!

 

Okay, so it has been awhile.

I just haven’t felt very interesting.

Washer and Dryer are fixed!

Dishwasher started working after the new pressure tank was installed.

new sump pump

Basement has been cleaned

Mouse has been caught ( actually 3 mice, I know triple gross!)

Laptop Computer hard drive shot, still waiting to hear what I lost info wise.

I should be exercising as my scale is not liking me.

( Okay I admit it, I don’t like my scale!)

But I had to charge Tiff’s shuffle anyways so I thought I had better post something!

This week is going better although it is only Monday :)

I really want to congratulate Lisa on her outstanding, exceptional time on her Labor day 6K. I am so so soooo proud of you and extremely impressed!

Maybe next year I will do it with you!

Did you get a t-shirt as proof?

Helpful hint for the week…

Go here and print 2 healthy choice $2.00 off coupons ( A tip from Janelle’s blog, see sidebar)

Then go to Kroger till Wednesday where they are 5 for $10.00 and get 2 free.

I actually got mine at Wal-mart and they were free, so cool!

Also I found some Jolly Time Healthy Pop Popcorn that is only 2.5 points for a big bag.

Yes, I have already had a bag today!

I am easily addicted to low point snacks! :)

Well the Ipod is giving me the green light so I better head out and walk or I won’t get to it.

I will try to do better posting!

If anyone has any questions for me feel free to ask I have been having a little writers block!

Also I have a prayer request… My friend Julie is having surgery on both of her feet Tuesday, please pray for her that all goes well.

Thanks!

Suz

One of those weeks!

 

Have you ever had one of those weeks when it appears that everything is breaking on you?

When you take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back.

Or maybe you just take 4 steps back!

In the last 2 weeks I have been dealing with a dryer that wouldn’t heat, A washer that leaked,     (thankfully the 5 year warranty is still in effect till the 8th.) pressure tanks that don’t hold pressure which means sometimes I don’t have much water and finally a dishwasher that doesn’t wash. I am really hoping that it is linked to the pressure tanks.

The kids and I spent part of the morning washing dishes from yesterday ( I was hoping another wash would somehow work) then we unloaded the dishwasher and washed all those too!

On top of that we finally got a new rim and tire for the boat trailer since the other one literally rolled off of it on the way home from the lake.

My laptop is at the computer repair shop as it gave me the blue screen of death last weekend. I still haven’t heard how bad that is yet.

Oh and we saw a mouse in the house today!!

Gross!

If it sounds like I am complaining please forgive me. I am merely just dealing with all this which brings me to my point…

In the last 2 weeks I have been hungrier and craving chocolate and carbs.

Hmmmm… I wonder is there a connection?

Well I am going out to mow now…

3 reasons I am mowing instead of my kids…

1. It gets me out of the house and away from food!

2. I like to mow and I will get a little sun on my fast fading tan.

3.The grass needs mowing.

I just hope that the mower doesn’t break!!

Who knows what I will want to eat then! :)

Have a great weekend!

Suz